Fati’s First Entry:
It all began with creeper phone calls. First, a missed call on the cellphone, then another missed call at work. By the time i had the chance to respond, he was already within the parking lot and heading in as i was heading out. Unable to escape what had already begun, i simply settled on the fact that this just had to be. And it had to start right then and there.
So after being forcefully held hostage, i endured great and unorganized knowledge. He walked me through what was to come, and while helping buy the supplies that would be utilized for the event, i picked up on what i could only believe was a form of Hebrew.
Once the money was swiped, he instructed me to head onward to my home. I followed instructions and so started the adventures.
First, he made me surrender my chicken broth. He had already interrogated me on what i had stored in my freezer. Upon description, he started to ask about the fridgerator contents, condiments, spices… and it slowly started to get weird. “A stewing chicken? What about one of those?” I was beginning to worry about this clear fetish of chicken, and moreso because i didnt have what he wanted. I only had frozen chicken breasts. He wasnt satisfied with this answer, but it was acceptable. A great sigh of relief!
He hovered over me while spitting out clear instructions from his book, and as i shaved, cut, cubed, boiled… it seemed like it would never end. There was a small pause in the instructions, and i looked up to see him put his book to rest. Was it over? Was this all that he wanted? “It needs to simmer for an hour and a half. Let’s study the Aleph-bet.”
I felt both a sense of fear and eagerness. What does that MEAN? After repeating chants and reading several esoteric symbols, i snapped back into reality when an unknown click went off. The rice he had me prepare was finished. The main dish still had 30 minutes left, so we pressed on with “beit” and “resh.” I still dont know the difference.
We removed the delicate chicken, and he had me tend to it a bit more. “Cut them into large chunks and thick slices!” He bellowed as he strained the vegetables. He referred back to his book, commenting: “‘Throw the vegetables away?’ Hell no! These are DELISH!” He seemed to stare at me, as if asking for agreement, and i quickly nodded to reassure him of his decision. We set the vegetables aside for garnishing.
Mother had walked in, and was forced into temporary enslavement. “Fetch me a serving tray!” She rummaged around desperately, not wanting to displease. She was dismissed once she retrieved one, and quickly slipped out. I dared not watch as she left, fearing he would catch on to my plans of escape. I continued to chunk the chicken.
After a few adjustments to the display, the task was completed. He insisted on having pictures, so i took a couple with my cellphone. After all of that said and done- and a job well done, if i may add, he only had one thing to say…
Fati did very well on the Hebrew, though. She learned the letters Aleph, Bet, Vet, Mem, Resh, and Heh, as well as the vowels kamats, patach, chiriq, and learned a little about the ever-confusing shva. I say vowels as though they are separate from the letters because they are. In most cases, all Hebrew letters are consonants.
As for the Chicken Fricassee, it smelled delicious, but as the Torah says, “You will not boil a kid in its mother’s milk.” I don’t know how you milk a chicken, but apparently the law applies to fowl as well. No land-dwelling meat with dairy. I did taste the vegetables (they were cooked with the chicken before the heavy cream was utilized) and they were delish! I didn’t know that celery and parsley root tasted so good boiled. Not too different from potato. So, despite the fact that the cookbook instructed us to discard the vegetables, both Fati and I agreed that it would be best to top the dish with the veggies. My main complaint is that we should have used more carrots. And double the Sin Sauce. (The sauce was butter-based, with flour, yolks, and cream, thickened with chicken broth. It smelled amazing, and even moreso after a few splashes of white wine.)
The chicken was placed on a bed of white rice, perfectly prepared by Fati, and topped with the amazing Sauce of Iniquity. We then entrenched it with vegetables. It was beautiful to behold, the photo doesn’t do it any justice. We then sat down for a nice session of Doctor Who, as Fati devoured three helpings of our creation.
The beer selection was slim today, and I had a Honey Brown and a Heineken. The Heineken would go better with the dish, but I’d really recommend an English Brown Ale (New Castle and Hobgoblin would do), a Hefeweisen, or a dark German beer (ale, lager, stout, most would do as long as they are traditional.) The Honey Brown would have gone well, but I don’t think the sweetness of the honey complimented the savoriness of the dish.